Struggle with a muddle
Yan Redfern
Yan is a great deal more than an agony uncle: he is an international journalist; an artist; a children’s author & illustrator; a gardener and a personal trainer. Recently he read a self-help book entitled “ That’s enough about you, what about me? “ which has greatly informed his practice. He has also published a series of books - the latest entitled: The Importance of Any Type of Communication within a close and intimate relationship’, which sold in the region of 4 copies world wide.
We asked 3 readers to write in to Yan with ‘muddles they were struggling with and to follow the advice he gave (or not).
Question 1:
My fear of spiders is getting worse. Now I’m scared it will totally ruin my life and lose me my job. I work as a arachnids keeper at the local zoo. I have never killed a spider but my fear of them is giving me nightmares! The other day while I was cleaning out the spider tank, a South American Goliath birdeater (Theraphosa blonde), the worlds largest spider, ran across the tank and I started screaming. All of the visitors started screaming, crying and a few actually fainted! it was utter chaos. My boss has been understanding until now but after this incident told me I can’t carry on like this as I was scaring the spiders. I don’t want to lose my job but really don’t know what to do?
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Answer 1:
This is a very common problem which can cause real anxieties. You need to concentrate on relaxing more, learn some deep breathing techniques as these will help to reduce your stress levels, or you could just stamp on them and just tell your boss you found them like that when you came on duty. Jobs at zoos are few and far in between and this has to be taken into consideration. - Good Luck.
Question 2:
I have my own individual and unique style when it comes to clothes. I’ve never followed any fashion trend, but my friends sometimes make fun of me. I don’t want to dress the same as everyone else, but I really don’t like being teased either because it makes me feel sad, please help!
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Answer 2:
Having looked through the set of pictures that you sent in of yourself, I do have to actually agree with your friends - you do look a bit of a prat. I am just being honest, open and transparent here and my ‘gut reaction’ which informs my professional advice to you, would be to either stop going out or get ‘trendy’.
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Question 3:
I cheated on my girlfriend the day she went away on holiday. She’s coming back soon and I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for nearly 1 week, but the night she went away on holiday, I went out to a night club with my mates and ended up buying this gorgeous guy a drink. We started laughing and flirting and basically one thing led to another and we ended up in bed. At first I didn’t feel guilty, but now I do. If my girlfriend finds out she would hate me, but I reckon she’s probably cheated on me anyway. I really like her but I’m not sure that I can trust her now that she’s cheated on me. What can I do?
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Answer 2:
Subconsciously you’ve taken revenge on your girlfriend because you think she’s cheated on you - but in my professional opinion, you need to hang your head in SHAME ! - You scum bag !
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For no fuss, practical and emotional advice to any muddles or struggles you may have please Email: PallattWoodStudio@Bedlum.co.uk
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